Super Psycho Magnet

Rough translation: “Being perpetuated (is) the sovereignty of the land to righteousness/ to balance, Hawai`i”

It’s been two years since I’ve left Hawaii and I think I’m ready to talk about it now. There are things that I’m not ready to discuss, nor will I ever be. There are things that I’m glad that happened that won’t be discussed and there are bad. It’s hard to draw the line where the good ends and the bad starts.

One of the good things that I took from there was the experience of some of the people that I met. More so were the people that were my true friends.

Anywhere you go there will be good friends and bad friends. The bad ones will disguise themselves as good. They wear pretty wool sweaters but believe me, they are wolves down deep.

The night before I left I was shown incredible hospitality by the people I thought were mere acquaintances. For the year and a half I had been there I had been taking Betsy to a dog park. The night before I left they threw me a surprise Going Away party, complete with dishes brought by people that I didn’t know and lots and lots of beer. It was the kind of party that if I had known earlier, I may not have tried so hard to leave the island.

Even after the party was “over” Betsy and I were invited back to a friends house to watch movies and wake up to some good ole pancakes and sausages.

I guess this is a tribute to the people that I left that loved me and loved Betsy. Even after she jumped on a table at the Pet Expo and spread the hand-made jewelry all over the floor.

Thank you. All that you did for me kept me from going completely insane.

I would love, more then anything, to be sitting here uploading pictures to show you what I’ve been up to this summer.

Alas, I am not able to because someone has moved the plastic box of randomness that contains the cord to link my camera to my computer. As it’s not as fun to sit here and describe things I’m going to have to wait. Sorry.

I can say this, and I know I’ve said it before but I mean it for real this time… I’m back. I figured today was a good day to make my comeback because it’s the first day of fall. My summer is over and I’ve got to get back to real life.

If only I could find the damn cord for my camera.

I’ve had it with Japanese tourists. Seriously. I’m going to lose my shit if one more bothers me.

I almost hit one with my car on accident yesterday. I swear I didn’t do it on purpose. She jumped out in front of my car while I was trying to turn right on a red on my way to work. Thing is, I had the right of way in actuality. Technically she did because she was a pedestrian. Morally? I should have run her the hell over. She had the little red hand telling her not to cross the street. She did it anyway.

Another time, while driving in my car with Lindsay, I almost hit one on a bike. Again, not on purpose. She was in the middle of the right lane of a 4 lane road and I was coming up in the left lane. WITHOUT LOOKING she cut over to the other side of the street causing me to slam my brakes on and smoosh the very yummy muffin I had just bought from Starbucks into my steering wheel. I didn’t hit her, I should have though. I should have just slammed the gas and ran her and her bike over, but I didn’t.

When I was 5 my parents took my sister and I to the Smithsonian. I remember standing in the Air and Space museum looking at the recreation of the moon landing. Suddenly, I was grabbed by 1000 tourists and turned around. I tried to run to my Mom and Dad but they held me there and made me take a picture with them. I would actually pay to see that picture now. I’m sure it’s a pretty funny picture of 1000 tourists and a terrified little white girl who may or may not have peed her pants a little.

This morning was the straw that broke my proverbial camel’s back. I took Betsy out for her morning walk with her vest on. She’s been doing really well lately making the distinction between working while the vest is on and having fun while it’s off. We were walking at the tree line where we usually do when all of the sudden she was TORMENTED by three Japanese White-Eye’s. Betsy lost all composure and tried to chase them. For that I had to punish her. By punish I mean I flipped her on her back to let her know I’m still alpha and she needs to listen to me.

I tried to keep walking and those little birdy bastards followed us. They would swoop down from the trees and land in front of Betsy and hop just out of her reach. She still has her vest on at this point so I had to punish her again for not listening to me. I finally decided that I had had enough and walked away from the tree line. We walked around the park for a little while and Betsy did her business.

As we started walking home I went back to the tree line and low and behold guess who came back to mess with her? Those little green assholes came back and started doing the same thing. That’s when I started to lose my shit.

I made Betsy sit so I could take her leash and vest off. I waited until one was right in front of her and gave her the command to go. Oh the fun that was had. She spent the next 10 minutes chasing those little fuckers around the park and into trees and stalking them. Once I thought they had had enough I called her back to me and made her sit so I could put her leash back on. Not 30 seconds passed and those jerks came back. I didn’t even have the leash on her and they came back. So I had to let her get them again. She didn’t eat any of them she just wanted to chase them.

These birds are not native to Hawaii. They’re tourists. They’re tourists that like to torture my dog.

Holy shit, I can’t wait to leave this island.

That’s right. I said Service Dog.

Today I was given permission by my Doctor to make my dog my service animal. He agreed that it would benefit my anxiety condition to have her as a service dog as she keeps me calm in stressful situations. She’ll also assist in getting me out of the house seeing as the only time I leave now is to take her to the park. (Thank God for Papa John’s internet ordering and delivery!)

I already have an ID card that identifies her as a “Service Dog in Training” and a vest with her name on it is on it’s way to me right now.

Watch out peeps! Here come me and Betsy!!!

MADE YOU LOOK! HAHAHAHA!!!

Betsy got a new tag. Her old one was getting nicked so bad you couldn’t read it anymore. Plus, the phone number was wrong.

For some reason I thought it would be a good idea to not only blog every day for the next year. So far it’s going… ok… I guess. It’s making me look at things differently. It’s making me appreciate the beauty I wouldn’t have seen otherwise.

However, it’s a little stressful. Just what I needed. One more thing to stress me out… and this one I did to myself.

This is one of the rare days when my Flickr post and my blog post will intentionally coincide.

Betsy is mad at me. It’s not because she’s constantly being photographed or because I’m too lazy to fill her water bowl so I force her to drink out of the toilet. Honestly, she poses for most of the picture I take of her and while she has two water bowls that are constantly filled she’s too tempted by the water in the lavatory.

She’s mad at me today because I’m not taking her to the park today. Yesterday she wore herself out rather quick and spent most of last night sleeping it off. I left to run some errands this morning and when I came back her eye was crusty and she was still really lethargic. I decided it wasn’t a good idea for her to go today, much to her dismay.

Here’s the thing. Since I got the x-rays of her back hips with an unofficial diagnosis of early on set Hip Dysplasia I’ve been a completely overbearing Mom. If she walks funny, hiccups weird, or pees more then twice in one outting I’m on the phone with the emergency vet, Cesar Millan, and my roommate to find out what what the hell he did to my baby while I was out.

I think part of the reason I’m so protective of her was because for a very long time it was just her and I. For the first two months the only contact she had with other humans was at the dog park. Then The Asshat moved in and it wasn’t much different. He would leave her in her crate even when he was home and wouldn’t take her out. Even when I was out of town he only took her to the park once in five days. Also, The Asshat was never home. When he was home he would stay in his room the entire time. It was still just Betsy and me.

She’s my dog. If you’ve ever meet her you know there is no doubt about that one. Other people my age take time off work because their child needs to go to the Doctor. I take off work because my dog needs to go to the vet.

Today, I guess I just have to deal with her being angry with me.

It actually makes me worry that when I do finally have children they’re going to be unhappy locked in a windowless tower with only one door that locks from the outside that only I have the key too.

Sleepy Puppy

Originally uploaded by walter_bean

Ahhh. Nothing like getting a post in at the 11th hour.

Betsy and I were sleeping on the couch and half watching Boston Legal all night. Denny Crane can be tiring.

Betsy had her second vet appointment this week. This one was for a procedure where they knocked her out then pumped air and neon dye into her bladder to see where the stones were and how many there were. I had to drop her off at the vet in the morning and luckily her procedure was over by the time I got off work.

I received fantastic news from the vet!!! No bladder stones! The only thing wrong with her was a bladder infection and a severe case of constipation. I am happy to report that both are now cleared up and she’s back to being the same hyper puppy she once was.

Well, not always hyper. She does have to sleep sometime!