Super Psycho Magnet

Guys are the New Girls.

This entire article kind of gave me angina. I’m super cereal about this one.

When did it become the woman’s job to be the emotional one?

When did, “Peter the doughy L.A. dude in Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Tom the NYC dreamboat in Maid of Honor … become girls.”

At what point did it become not O.K. for men to show their emotional/human side.

Without meaning any offense, and please take my word for that, my parents would say it’s because they grew up in a different time.

This is the problem I have with that is the feminist revolution that seems “cute” to the patriarchal society I live in. The sexual revolution has been going in since before I was born and yet it seems like little progress has been made. This revolution still seems to be ignored by ::::grrrrr::: corporate America. And the people who tell me they’re upset by the biased don’t do anything about it. The ones that grew up in a different time are the ones that teach their children that women are the “weaker” sex.

It’s killing me and holding me back whether or not the patriarch’s realize it or not.

I need to know why we have these gender boundary issues.

This world and it’s people are here to adapt and move on with unconditional love. And, it’s just not happening.

People are so afraid of disappointing their parents/family/friends/peers that they won’t be themselves.

I think this will be the fatal flaw of man-kind.

This message brought to you by wine and watching Juno.

It’s weird to think about the things you listen to or hear as a child that when you’re older when you hear it again you think, “Why in the world did my Mom let me listen to that?”

In the case of my Mom and Dad it was not their fault. I had friend’s parents that let me do a plethora of things that my parents would never approve of. Movies are the biggest example of this. For example: When I was about 8 years old my Mom didn’t want me to see the movie Lethal Weapon because of language and the diirty sex scene. My friends Mom put the tape in the VCR for us. The same friend and I used to play St. Elmo’s Fire so her Mom must have let me watched that too. I can remember playing on her swing set reciting lines and reenacting scenes from the movie. I always wanted to be Jules but my friend was bigger and meaner so I always had to be Leslie. I hated Leslie.

That trend continued for quite a long time too. Every time my Mom said I couldn’t see something I would just go to a friend’s house and their parents would let me. If the movie in question was in the theatre one of the Mothers would always buy the tickets for us. I KNOW my Mom knew about that too. Not because I told her but because when I was supposed to be seeing The Secret Garden one time I actually saw Needful Things. When my Mom picked me up and asked what it was about I said it was about a girl in a garden, and that garden was a secret. I was never the best at lying.

I recently had a conversation with my Mother about finding money. That brought me to a memory I have of walking down the Board Walk in Ocean City, MD holding both of my parents hands. We were walking back to the condo after dinner so I know it was dark out. It had also just rained and the board walk was semi-crowded. While we were walking I saw something between the boards and stopped jerking both my parents back to see what it was. I walked back a few steps and found a $20 bill! Between the boards, wet, at night on a crowded board walk I found a damn $20 bill! SWEET!

I started thinking about this again last night and something occurred to me. Why would a $20 bill be rolled up like that? It’s not like it’s a convenient way to store money. If the bill had been folded it would have been understandable but it was rolled tightly. Who does that?

All of the sudden another conversation came top mind that I had with a different friend who used to do a LOT of drugs. I remembered her saying to me, “I would never use anything less then a $20 bill to roll for my coke. I’m just a snob like that.”

Holy Crap! My childhood memory is ruined. I found the vehicle for someone’s nose candy and used it to buy a hermit crab (which later died from neglect, I’m sure).

I wonder now if that thought ever occurred to my parents. The thought that the money their child just found on the ground could have been once used in illegal narcotic activity. The thought that one end of that $20 bill was once placed up someone’s schnoz with the other hovered gently above a mirror.

I also wonder if that’s the difference between the world that my parents grew up in and that world that I grew up in.

Let me start by saying this: I’m not gay. I never have been. I probably never will be. I saw probably because anything is possible but at this juncture I don’t see it happening. I’ve had my issues with men in the past but I do still love them and don’t see myself batting for the “other side”. However, there are a few women in this world (and the afterlife) that I would consider having an actual romantic relationship with and given the change would make the effort.

There are a few that you’ll notice are missing that some might think should be on there. Britney Spears, for example. Oh, she’s hot alright but she’s also bat-shit crazy! Everyone knows this. Everyone has seen this. Actually, everyone has *SEEN* more of her then they maybe should have. Now that I’ve seen how she handles break-ups I don’t think I could have a relationship with her. That and I would NOT want to be in the same group at Kevin Federline.

So, anyway. Here’s goes my list.

#10 - Angelina Jolie. Who wouldn’t? I know, I know. She’s on most lists and that’s why she’s at the very top of mine. In spite of how many people would like to be with her given the chance I would still take it.

#9 - Sarah Chalke. Or, Dr. Elliot Reed, rather. There’s something about neurotic and smart that’s really sexy. Plus, when she was “Hot Doctor” she was REALLY hot!

#8 - Mary Magdalene. It worked for Jesus. That’s good enough for me.

#7 - Amelie Poulain. Not the actress that played the character in the movie. The actual character. She is beautiful inside and out and she does things to make other people happy. In that regard I think we’re a lot alike. The making other people happy part. I’m not that conceded.

#6 - Lili St. Cyr.

#5 - Scarlett Johansson. Again, who wouldn’t?

#4 - Kate Winslet. Based on talent alone.

#3 - Cillian Murphy. I know he’s not a girl but he played a transvestite in a movie once and that’s close enough for me. Besides I’d use any excuse to put him on a list of people that I would do.

#2 - Me. I’m pretty cool. I like to hang out. I could deal with being in a relationship with myself. I think. I get a little crazy sometimes but I think I can handle myself when things get a little out of hand.

#1 - Amy Winehouse. Listen to her new album and you’ll understand. (Hint: Go buy her album!)

*I need to give credit where credit is due. I did snack this from someone else. He knows who he is and I doubt he’ll ever read this. I just wanted to cover my own ass.*

Let me count the ways.

Not really. It’s actually still a question as to where I got them from. From what I understand both of my Grandmothers were very tiny. So where the hell did these things come from? Who knows!

What I do know is that bra shopping is very difficult for me. They never fit right or the store just plain doesn’t have my size. Most of the time I just have to settle for bras that will “do.”

I’m happy to announce… I will settle no more! I finally found the perfect bra. It’s got enough lift that the girls stay up and it fits well enough so I don’t have the Third Boob Syndrome. TBS is difficult to deal with. For those of you who know what I’m talking about, you also know my pain.

So, Ladies, if you’re busty, want a bra that gives good lift, or just want something a little more comfortable, RUN, don’t walk, to your nearest Frederick’s of Hollywood and get The Extreme Cleavage Full-Figure Bra!

WAHOO!!
WAHOO!!!